His Prayer
by BoundaryOfLimitation
Summary: When did it start?How far will it go?And where will it end, this love that was never meant to be?From the beginning, they both knew, love is nothing but a mere illusion.They knew that this amazing magic called love would die and vanish one day...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people...It's me again...This is my new one..**

**I wish I own this anime but no such luck..**

**Please excuse me for my crappy art of GRAMMAR! and anjoy this sad story of mine...  
**

* * *

He opened his eyes. Deep sapphire cold blue eyes scanned the scene around him. Lovely pale face framed by perfect sharp nose, thin pretty lips and dark fringe that laid just beneath his eyebrows held nothing but pure emptiness.

_So here we go again. How many times do I have to find myself in a bloody war? _The dark-haired exorcist thought to himself.

He lifted his gaze. The sun was setting beyond the horizon. The sky appeared much redder then usual. So much redder that it made everything appears haunting. Perhaps it was because of the blood all around him that made him think that way. He wasn't sure. Nobody was.

Tearing his gaze from the sky, he saw everyone of his friends and comrades fighting along him. In each and every eye, he noticed, held the same cold emotion. Hate. The sound of shrieking monsters shook his soul to the core. It was almost heart-breaking for him to hear all the cries of people getting killed all around him. One by one, heroes and innocent souls dropped to the ground. Little by little, it all slowly starts to end.

_Why did all these start? Should this be happening? When will it end?_

He found the same questions stir in him over and over again as he grinds his blood stained sword, killing one after another.

With each step he took, he could clearly feel the thin river of blood mixed with dirty soil beneath his heavy boots.

_How many will die? How many will be left behind?_ He wondered innocently.

All was too late. Nothing can be saved. Nothing can be remained. Despite the fear and pain in his mentally and physically wounds, he put on a brave front like always and continued to cut his way through. Giving up was just not the nature of Yuu Kanda.

Not too far away, he saw one particular red-headed. He swung his hammer in circular motions furiously to block deadly gun shoots, his deep emerald green eye, one hidden behind a black eye-patch, that always reminds him of a fresh meadow in spring held a kind of hardness he had never seen before.

With no hint of hesitation, the hammer dropped onto the slaves from hell, desperately trying to bring salvage back. But fate is a very funny thing. It always manages to find a way to twist everything into the way it was never meant to be.

From the corner of this beautiful dark-haired exorcist's eyes, he saw a dull rusty sword manipulated by a gruesome creature speeding towards that red-headed exorcist. Yes, it's _that_ particular red-headed that never fails to make his cold lonely heart go THUMP! every time he looks into his eyes.

Yes, it's that one and only person who always push the limits of Kanda's temper to the point of never seen before and yes, it's that idiot who was the only one that could make the edge of Kanda's lips lift.

Yes! It's that only guy in the whole universe that could hold the dangerous hot-tempered Japanese exorcist tightly in his arms and Yes! It's that one and only Lavi that has the courage to love the lovely Kanda and also the one and only human being ever to make Kanda fall heads-over-heels in love with him.

*flash back*

_"Yuu-chan!" an annoying loud voice yelled over the sounds of machines exploding and __humans screaming._

_ "Watch out!" but too late, the sword cut_ _Kanda at the stomach as he tried to cut the monster while wrestling with another. Lavi ran over to his comrade and hit both creatures with his hammer, sending them back to hell._

_ "Yuu-chan!" he yelled out as he watched the man dropped to the bloody soil. _

_ "Are you alright? Can you hear me? God! You're bleeding!" he cried as he bend down trying to help his friend but fail miserably. _

_ "Yuu-chan! Answer me! Open your eyes! Don't die on me!" the red-headed shouted as he rest the other's head on his lap._

_ "Stop shouting at my ear you moron!" the long-haired teenage boy finally snapped open his eyes and yelled._

_ "Yuu-chan!" Lavi exclaimed hugging him close. "Are you alright?"_

_ "Get off me! We're still in the middle of a fight!" Kanda tried to shove him away while trying to cut the monsters charging from behind Lavi._

_ Reluctantly, Lavi let go and stood up and continued to fight. It took them another half an hour to finish off the Akuma left._

_ "Let's go stupid rabbit!" Kanda snapped holding his wound and staggered towards his comrade who was lying on his back on the bloody grass, resting._

_ "I hate you Yuu-chan." he said softly without turning around. Kanda frowned and stopped in his tracks. He was surprised and the truth is, it kinda...hurt when he heard those words._

_ "Good to know." he snapped angrily and started to walk away._

_ "I really hate you!" a loud voice announced again at him from behind. Kanda turned around scowling._

_ "Shut up already you moron! Hate me all you want and see if I care!" Lavi jumped up from the grass and stalked towards Kanda and grabbed him by his arm and turned him around roughly._

_ "You're stupid Yuu-chan." he said glaring at him._

_ "So are you for getting mad over I-don't-know-what!" _

_ "I thought you were gonna die just now."_

_ "You know I won't die over a little cut!"_

_ "Stupid idiot Yuu!" _

_ "Che!" they glared at each other like two angry dogs before turning away. Kanda stalked away feeling angry at Lavi and stupid for getting mad at Lavi._

_ A hand grabbed his arm again and this time when he was turned around roughly, his face came contact with a mess of red hair. It took him total of 3 seconds to realize his best friend was hugging him._

_ "Let go!" he warned angrily but the hand refused to budge._

_ "I love you Yuu-chan." a small voice whispered into his hair and Kanda froze in his embrace for the longest time ever._

_ "Did you hit your head somewhere? Let go of me!" Kanda blushed and tried to shove him away but was pulled back only to come contact with something very soft and warm on his lips. _

_ It was their third time kissing and it lasted for the longest time since the first two didn't went well._

_ "I was scared when I saw the sword cut you. I didn't mean to get mad." Lavi said silently after their little kiss ended. Kanda closed his eyes wondering if his heart would break his ribs for beating so hard and sighed._

_ "Baka usagi, I don't die over such a stupid cut. Stop acting like a sissy." he said calmly despite his internal turmoil. _

_ "I'm sorry Yuu...For yelling at you, I didn't mean to." the edge of the Japanese exorcist's lips lifted a little._

_ "Idiot." they were sixteen and they were naive. Without meaning to, without realizing, without any warning nor experience, they both fell so hard in love._

_ *_end of flash back*

When did it start? How far will it go? And where will it end, this love that was never meant to be? From the beginning, they both knew, love is nothing but a mere illusion. Right from the start, they knew that this amazing magic called love would die and vanish into thin air like ashes. They both knew too well, but what is this heavy weight in these young hearts?

Adrenaline suddenly kicked in forcing the long muscular legs of the tall Japanese exorcist to move. Reality snapped back into his head as he ran towards that red-headed that was so precious to him. With a few clean strokes, every thing in his path was banished. Nobody messes with Yuu Kanda when he's mad.

It's like as everyone says, life is a bloody bastard. Time is its assistant and along with the help of emotions, they send humanity into chaos. Only God knows how hard he ran that day. But yet again and again, destiny likes to play nasty tricks and cruelly prevented him from making it.

It all happened slowly...

The rusty sword and twisted smile continued to speed towards that particular red-headed as Lavi continued to swing his hammer around, oblivious to the gruesome creature behind him.

"**NO!**" Kanda shouted with all his might.

With his own bare, naked eyes, he watched everything happen. The weapon stolen from the angels of death pierced right into the other's chest all the way through the back. Confused deep emerald green eye turned around just in time to see the smile of his murderer.

With an outstretched hand, Kanda tried to stop the sword from hitting the man he had given his all to...but he was too late, he was _so_ close! but still too late.

"**NO! LAVI!**" he screamed with all his might but it doesn't matter, no angels nor God heard his plead. The sound of ribs cracking was so loud and obvious, it made his knees go weak. With a gleeful laugh, the disgraceful slave ran off before anyone could catch him.

Two long arms caught Lavi before he hit the ground. In the depth of deep green eye, laughter and mischief was replaced with confusion and pain.

Sapphire cold blue eyes looked at his lover's face in disbelief. Why did this happened? Where can the answer be found? Once again, from the beginning they both knew, the door of death is always close by whenever they're in a war but why were they so shocked.

Once the black and white coat was slipped on and buttoned, every hero must be readied to face death head on with no fear. But why? Why? Why?! Why was he so shocked to see this happen?

The moment soldiers step into the battle field, they were named heroes. In each and every victory, sacrifices has to be made. But who knew? Who knew life could be so cruel? Kanda quickly carry Lavi away from the middle of battlefield to a clearing with a few big trees and rest his head on his lap.

"Yuu-chan," two words escaped from the mixed race exorcist as the other cradle him ever so gently into his arms.

"Ouch, that bloody cut actually hurts." he said weakly.

"Shut up! It's not a cut you idiot! You were stabbed!" harsh yet worried voice yelled at him without meaning to as he tried not to panic when he noticed blood started to pool all around them, soaking his own black pants.

"Pain," Lavi mumbled, threatening to slip out of consciousness. Shaky hands tried to stop the bleeding but fail miserably.

Glassy green eye lifted and gaze at the man he loved oh so dearly. His hair was amazingly tidy, he noticed, even after two days of war. His usual pale flawless skin that should belong to a female was stained with blood as he saw fear and love in those lovely midnight blue eyes.

*flash back*

_"Everyone! Let's give one toast to the sad, miserable science department whom had done nothing all year around but only to make some terrible inventions that always backfires the exorcists and cause troubles!" half of the people cheered in agreement while the other half booed at the red-headed who was standing on the table, holding his glass of liquor high._

_ "Lift your glasses people and we shall thank everyone who managed to stay here up until today to support us! Cheers!" _

_ "Cheers!" everyone cheered with him and tipped their glasses empty. The whole cafeteria was filled with laughter and smiles and cheers during New Year's eve. Everyone was celebrating the coming of a new year and they knew, at anytime, the people they love around him might die in a war._

_ "Lavi! Let's play the Truth or Dare!" Johnny exclaimed over the noisy crowd waving his hand wildly at Lavi who was just about to get off the table._

_ "What?" he shouted over the noises._

_ "A game! Truth or Dare!" Johnny shouted again as Lavi made his way towards the group of people._

_ "Truth or Dare?" he asked scratching his head. "Isn't that too cliché? How old are you? 13?" _

_ "Aww, come on, let's play! Kanda is going to play too!" Leenale chirped ignoring the glare she was receiving from the long-haired exorcist. Lavi raised an eyebrow at Kanda while he rolled his eyes._

_ "Ok! Truth or Dare it is! So who starts first?" Lavi asked excitedly and sat down opposite Allen._

_ "Okay, I shall go first!" Reever announced a little too enthusiastically and spun the empty bottle eagerly. Everyone watched the bottle spin intently and cheered(except Kanda) when it stopped, pointing at Leenale._

_ "Truth or Dare Leenale?" Reever asked grinning wickedly at him._

_ "Hmm," the dark-haired girl looked thoughtful for a moment before exclaiming, "Truth!"_

_ "Ok, here goes. Have you ever worn a red thongs before?" everyone around the table whooped and cheered._

_ "What kind of sad stupid question is that?" Tapp exclaimed laughing heartily, getting a little tipsy from his drink. _

_ "That is so dumb! Ask another question!" Allen added._

_ "Did I hear something about Leenale wearing RED thongs?!" a voice exclaimed from behind the group._

_ "How could you perverted little people ask my poor innocent Leenale such indecent question?! That's disgraceful!" Komui squeezed into the group, hugging an embarrassed Leenale and everyone started to argue with the chief. _

_ "That's OK people! Stop that! Let's move on to the next question!" Allen shouted over the arguments and everyone calmed down._

_ "I'll go next!" Allen said and spun the bottle and this time, it ended up pointing at Lavi. Everyone whooped and cheered again._

_ "Truth or Dare Lavi?" _

_ "I'll go with truth."_

_ "Ask him about Kanda, Allen!" someone whispered loudly._

_ "No! Ask if he's still a virgin!" another cut in._

_ "Hey, I get to ask the question! Not you bunch of perverts!" Allen snapped and turn back to the grinning red-headed._

_ "What would you do with your last breath of life?" the cheer around them died down suddenly. Everyone stopped laughing and looked down at their glasses like it suddenly turned into the most amusing thing ever._

_ "Why ask such question?" Kanda snapped loudly from his seat frowning._

_ "That's OK Yuu-chan," Lavi said quickly, waving away the sudden sad look in everyone's eyes 'cause they knew things like that can happen anytime. _

_ "Hmm, let's see." Lavi tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Well, if I have one last breath, what would I do?"_

_ "Ahh!" he shouted suddenly. "I know!" he grinned happily. "With my last breath, I would tell my special person that I love him!" he said matter-in-factly. Everyone looked at him for a moment before grinning suspiciously and nudge him with their elbows._

_ "Who might that lucky person be?" Krory smiled evilly at Lavi while emerald green eye caught sapphire blue eyes._

_ "Haha." he laughed awkwardly at the questions as he blushed and looked away from Kanda's eyes. _

_ *_end of flashback_*_

"Yuu-chan," his name escaped from his lips. Painful blue eyes tore it's gaze from his wound to meet his gentle green eye. Kanda studied the messy red hair that his face always came contact with every morning in his bed. He gazed at the lovely eye that was always filled with darkness and pain he desperately wants to hide. He looked at those lovely lips that always say stupid things and kissed him senseless.

"Don't look so sad." he whispered, his face turning pale fast. Lovely face frowned at him.

"Shut up and stay here. I'll go look for help." he said quietly, forcing himself not to panic.

"No!" His lover immediately protest and grabbed his arm. "Don't go!"

"You're gonna die at this rate idiot!"

"I'm gonna die anyway, the sword is rusted." he said calmly, peering at the rusty metal sticking out of his chest.

Pain reflected in Kanda's face as he lifted Lavi and carried him to a small clearing with large trees, away from the middle of the battlefield. A usually warm hand reached out and held the Japanese's hand.

"I'm sorry Yuu-chan." he smiled tiredly at him. Kanda looked down at their hands that looked like they were made for each other and bit his lip.

Every life has an ending. Every life has a story. Every life has a journey. Every life has painful things to face. Together the two young and innocent life experienced love, happiness, bitterness and everything they need to know and now, angels of death has to take away one of them. Question is, where will it leave the other?

"Yuu," a cold shaky hand reached out to caress his soft cheeks and touched his long silky hair as his green eye studied his face that was filled with sadness and tears that welled behind his eyes.

Slowly, carefully, Kanda leaned down and put his arms around Lavi and hugged him as tightly as possible without hurting him. The breathing of the red-headed one was getting slower and slower. Too soon, it was too soon for him to go.

*flash back*

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

_ Silence._

_ Knock. Knock. Knock._

_ Silence. _

_ Slowly the wooden door creaks open and stepped in a tall young exorcist. It was at least 2 am in the night and everything was so dark, the young exorcist could barely see. _

_ Silently, the young man started to make his way towards the bed of a particular beautiful long dark-haired man. _

_ "Yuu-chan," he whispered, his voice cracked and no one responded him._

_ "Yuu-chan!" he whispered louder, hugging his pillow closely to his chest._

_ "Tsk." an annoyed sound came from under the sheets._

_ "What do you want, you moron!" a tired voice demanded from under his sheets._

_ "It's snowing!" the other exclaimed._

_ "So? You came all the way here to announce it's snowing?" Kanda sat up from his bed and glared Lavi tiredly. _

_ "I'm cold." the other muttered and Kanda could not see his expression in the darkness._

_ "Che." he spat irritably. "Just make some fire or something." _

_ "You know what happened the last time I used the fire place."_

_ "Yeah, you burned your hair. Let's hope you burn yourself too this time! Now leave me alone!" the Japanese exorcist lay back on his bed and pull his thick sheets over him. _

_ "Yuu-chan," the other called, almost pleadingly. After a couple minutes of silence, Kanda sat up again feeling really irritated. _

_ "Che!" he spat angrily and scooted closer to the wall to make space. Without hesitating, the other exorcist sneak into his bed and lay close to Kanda._

_ "Move over a bit, you're too close!" The raven hair man hissed and Lavi only moved closer to him. _

_ "Yuu-chan," he whispered tiredly and wrapped his arms around the other. "I'm cold." _

_ "Che! Let go you moron!" Kanda tried to pull away but arms tightened stubbornly around his waist._

_ "Lavi," he said, his voice sharp and dangerous. "Stop being so cl-" a pair of warm lips didn't let him finish his sentence. Poor Kanda's heart nearly failed._

_ "Che! What is that for?!" Kanda pulled away frowning and blushing furiously. _

_ "That's your good night kiss." Lavi answered simply._

_ "Tsk! Stop doing things like that! It's annoying!" harsh cold voice whispered angrily at him._

_ "We've been dating for more then a year already, stop being so petty and let me sleep." Lavi mumbled half asleep, paying no attention at all to his lover's remarks. _

_ "Che, you stupid wuss, always come running to me." Kanda said irritably and almost smiled when he saw the tired looking red-headed fall asleep clinging to him. He sighed and lay back down and wrapped his arms around the red-headed. _

_ "Night Yuu-chan," Lavi slurred tiredly. "I love you." Kanda smiled the softest smile ever when he heard those words and snuggled closer to his lover who smelled like the indescribable smell of Lavi mixed with old books and autumn leaves._

_ "Go to sleep, idiot." he said softly and kissed the mixed race exorcist on the forehead._

_ And I love you too. He said softly in his heart, never have the courage to say it out loud. Without meaning to, without realizing, Lavi meant more then anything in the world to him, without him, Yuu Kanda can no longer live. _

_ *_end of flash back*

"Lavi," he whispered, his voice cracking. "Stay with me! Don't you dare leave me like this!" he yelled at the man that waltzed into his life and melted his heart and taught him love and dance.

"Yuu-chan," a small smile lifted his deadly pale features. "I'm sorry." he said into his ear and had a coughing fit causing blood to splutter out of his mouth. Every part of Kanda died a little at those three words as he frowned, desperately trying to control his feelings.

"I love you so much Yuu-chan, don't forget that." he whispered again, as fiercely as he could, darkness slowly elope him.

_Dear Lord above, why is your little game called Life so unfair? Who will hug Yuu-chan in the middle of cold winter nights to keep him warm? Who will have to kiss him every night before bed? Who will watch carefully if he's eating properly? Who will take care of him if he catches a cold? Who would caress his long hair until he falls asleep?Who will annoy him and make him smile? Who could keep him alive like I do? Who would look for him in the forest every time he sulk and refuses to come back? Who would kiss him softly every time he's mad? __Who will talk to him into leaving his room and spend some time with others? Who will say __those sweet nothings to let him know he is loved? Who would kiss him passionately when he's angry? Who will sneak into his bed in the middle of the night to stop his nightmares? Who could make him feel calm every time he's scared?_

_ Who will hold his hand when he is unsure? Who will make him smile even just a little? __Who has the courage to love him like I do? Who can be accepted by him like he accepted me? __Who will be there to make sure he's not lonely and always happy? Who can? Who will? Who could? And who would? Please don't take me away 'cause I'm all he's got. He needs me to constantly acknowledge his existence. He needs me to love him more then I love myself. So please God, don't take me away from him. Please don't make him cry._

Arms tighten around Lavi as the red-headed sent a prayer, but all was too late. Reality hit him and he realized that never again will he be able to see the red-headed running in his corridor ever again. Never will he be able to see those annoying yet comforting flaming red hair. Never again will he be able to hear his loud whinny voice calling his name and laugh. Never again will he be able to feel the warmth of his body when they sleep together or hug. Never again

"No! No! **NO!**" the beautiful long-haired exorcist shouted at Lavi's ear. "I didn't give you the permission to go like that! You can't you moron! You're responsible for me!"

"Why Yuu-chan? You pregnant?" a cheeky grin creeps on his face.

"Now it not the time to joke Lavi!" Kanda frowned at him, vividly aware of the amount of blood that had pooled around them.

"I'm sorry Yuu-chan." deep emerald green eye looked into his deep painful sapphire blue ones.

"I'm so sorry." tears filled the emerald green eye and Kanda realized just how afraid he was too. He looked away angrily for a long time, fighting the tears that slowly begins to well behind his eyes.

"Don't leave me Lavi," the dark-haired young man plead, turning back to him, about to lose all his equilibrium and composure. "You're all I got."

"Yuu-chan, I'm sorry but I think it's my time." his breath hitched and coughed out another mouthful of blood as his lover watched in despair.

Slowly, gently, streams of painful tears rolled down the soft pale cheeks of the Japanese exorcist representing all his emotions and pain for losing the person he loves the most.

"No! No! You're not leaving after coming into my life! You can't!" the other protested angrily.

"Yuu, Yuu," he called touching his cheek gently. "I love you so please don't cry."

"No! You don't love me!" he shouted, finally loosing all his equilibrium and composure.

"You can't love me if you're not here, you dimwit! You can't!" he cried angrily and laid his head down at Lavi's shoulder, sobbing. Thousands and millions of the junior bookman's image wave and dance in his mind.

How his face always paste with a silly grin and that annoying voice, always calling out to his name and his only with love. How seeing his wild flaming hair always calm him down and how much is he going to miss those warm lovely lips that always kiss him gently. And how his bright green eye always look at him like he means the world to him

"Lavi," tears spilled from his lovely deep sapphire eyes as he pulled away numbly and sat down on the ground and pulled the red-headed's head onto his own lap. "Lavi, please!" he said with so much emotions.

Tears fall from Lavi's eyes and he tried to smile as he pull the long haired exorcist head down by his collar and kissed him long and hard on those trembling lips with all his strength left for one last time.

"Yuu-chan, you remember last year's New Year eve? We played the Truth or Dare game." Lavi smiled weakly up at him.

Kanda nodded softly, frowning deeply in pain and sadness.

Green eye looked up at those lovely deep cold sapphire blue eyes and wondered if he will ever see them again. He gazed at his long long silky hair and reached out a hand to caress it. Cold long fingers then traced his soft milky pale cheeks and down to his lips. Emotions swelled in him as his wound throbbed hard in his chest.

Lavi started to get dizzy by losing so much blood so he smiled one last time at his lover.

"Because right now, it's almost my last breath." he started to fall out of consciousness. "And I will tell you, the person I love more then myself.." a breath caught in his throat as he cough again, spilling blood everywhere.

"Yuu-chan, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I love you with all my soul. I love you for who you are and I will love nobody else but you." he whispered so softly, Kanda had to lean down to hear.

"Lavi, Lavi," Kanda called shaking his shoulder stopping him from falling out of conscious.

"I-I love you!" he yelled loudly, telling the person his love for the first time ever he loves him.

"I love you so much!" he shouted brokenly. "More then you ever know so please don't go!" his voice dropped to a whisper. "Please don't me all alone."

Pale face framed by sharp nose and wild flaming hair lifted into a smile.

"I know Yuu-chan, I know just how much you love me because I love you...even more." the eye of our hero closed and slowly fell into a sleep that he will never wake up again.

Life is too short. Life is too cruel. Life is too sad. Life is filled with happiness and bitterness. Life can start any time. Life can end just like that. Life sometimes is not worth living. Life sometimes means everything and one thing for sure about life is it's unfair and it's incredibly painful.

Yuu Kanda hugged his lover tightly in his arms and hid his face in the mess of flaming red hair, taking in the scent autumn leaves and old books, sobbing brokenly for the one he lost, crying his name out over an over again, willing with every cell of his body for his love to come back but he never did.

Humans had been known as the most foolish creature ever in the world. They could never see the thing that is precious in front of them. Only until it's gone they realize how precious it is, but all was too late. No matter how much Kanda plead and cry and scream and fret, Lavi isn't coming back.

From the beginning, it never was about the people that left, it had always been about the people that was left behind. That day in the war Yuu Kanda lost the one he loves and along the way, he lost his will to live. Life...it's simple, it's painful, it's sweet, it's bitter and yet it's so complicated...indeed it is a bastard.

* * *

**I hope that's not too bad and too lame...Sorry for killing Lavi, I'm depressed right now... Drop a comment if you want and once again,,,Sorry if this story suck...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi People! It's been a while since I wrote a story.... This is a continuation ...I hope it don't suck cause it can get a little rusty after a long time of no writing...Enjoy ^^**

* * *

Every family member of the Black Order stood in lines before the heroes that were sacrificed in the war. All heads were bowed with full of respect in front of hundreds of white coffins crested with the black logo of Black Order.

The grim priest stood at the front saying prayers, every general stood straight and tall, hiding their tears behind their strong facades. Friends weep silently behind their hands, lovers cry brokenly, comrades bit theirs lips trying to be strong while others stood on, eyes brimming with tears.

A tall, long-haired exorcist stood at the farthest line of three thousand people. His pale face held no emotion at all as deep sapphire blues eyes could only focus on one particular coffin that was wrapped by a black and white flag signifying exorcist.

Two more exorcists, his good friends, _their_ good friends stood beside him weeping openly, unable to contain their sadness. Allen slowly wrapped an arm around Leenale trying to comfort her, trying to give her the strength he didn't have. The short-haired girl leaned into his shoulder and cried.

Yuu Kanda stood there in a hall filled with three thousand people, feeling more lonely then anybody else in this whole wide world. There were no cries, no denials, no frets nor fuss, he just stood on looking at that one particular coffin.

Strong wind from the large windows blew into the hall, bringing in the smell of approaching rain. Cold midnight blue eyes tore it's gaze from the coffin for just a couple of brief moment to look out of one of the windows. The softest hand of wind caress his pale cheeks gently and lifted his long hair in it's melancholy rhythm. The sun had set a long time ago, it must be at least nine in the late evening.

Harsh heavy rain started to fall. God must have received the heart breaking news and cried for the brave souls that had joined him and Angels wept for the grieving souls that were left behind. Soon, all prayers were said, friends, lovers, comrades can say goodbye their love ones for one last time before all the coffins were sent to burn. Carefully Kanda place his blue violet, the red-headed's favorite flower, into the coffin. Sad dark blue eyes gazed at the face of the man he loves so much.

_This will be the last time ever I get to see you again_. He thought silently, his eyes gazing at the pale face that was framed with sharp nose and wild flaming red hair. Slowly, the Japanese exorcist leaned down and kissed his lover on the lips that were once warm as tears sneakily slipped down his cheeks.

A lump formed in his throat when he realize that never again will he look into those soulful green eyes again. Never again will he hear his whinny voice calling him 'Yuu-chan'.

His lips trembled when it came contact with cold, lifeless lips instead of the usual warm pouting ones. All his insides died a little more when he realized that he will never get to kiss him ever again. He shut his eyes in agony, desperately holding in his painful emotions. He let his lips linger on Lavi's lips longer then he should but nobody stopped him. Instead, everyone cried even harder, touched by the intense display of affection shown by of all the people, Yuu Kanda.

"I love you, baka usagi." he whispered into his ear, oblivious to all the stares around him before slowly straighten up. Tears rolled down silently and dropped onto Lavi's cold cheek as Kanda reached out a shaky hand to caress his stone cold cheeks and touch his lifeless hair with deep affection.

"I love you so much." he whispered shakily, no longer care who heard him or how he should keep up with his tough image. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Let's begin." the priest who was watching Kanda from the front announced. Every one back away from the coffins, while some were pulled away. Workers carefully, grimly close the lids of every coffin. Kanda did not scream and shout and cry like he expected himself to when it was Lavi's turn. Instead, he just stood there numbly trying to fight the lousy lump off his throat, his heart silently torn to pieces in his chest.

He stared at the huge box that contains his lover, all he wanted to do was to cry and hide in a corner and fade away. Slowly, his head started to throb long and hard. All the sounds around him started fade and his vision wavered.

He moved his hand to grab his sword tightly willing his head to stay clear.

_Lavi, how could you leave me like this. How could I live without you?_ Were the last words his heart cried when suddenly his head felt too heavy, body felt weightless and his legs gave off beneath him. Yuu Kanda collapsed to the cold, stone floor.

"Kanda!" a few of his comrades shouted his name but none of the voices were the voice he wanted to hear. A few hands touched him and shook his shoulder but none were the hand that he wanted to be touched the most.

"Somebody bring a doctor..." that was what he last heard as he fell into unconsciousness.

_A Love that has no Boundary, in a Time with Limit.  
_

The next time Kanda open his eyes, a ring of faces filled with worry hovering around him in a circle. Hazy dark blue eyes looked around in confusion. What happened? He asks himself and his gazed stopped at Allen who looked so tragic.

"Che! I'm not dead Moyashi! What are you crying for?" he snapped, irritated by the sight of stupid tears rolling down from those dark stormy gray eyes. His head immediately throbbed in pain.

Everyone's face immediately looked relieved as Komui smile sadly at him. Kanda sat up on his bed, his wounds from the war stung and his head throbbed long and hard. He closed his eyes for a few moments to clear his vision.

The white ceiling and white thick blanket told him he was in the infirmary. Kanda couldn't recall what happened.

"What are you all starring at? Don't you have anything else to do then standing there in a tight circle, watching me like I'm some kind of animal?" he snapped, glaring at them, being his usual self.

Only silence replied him. He looked at the faces again, sensing a missing presence.

"What happened to me and where's baka usagi?" he asked without thinking, pulling strands of long, dark silk away from his face.

Everyone visibly winced by that question. Painful faces and silence answered him. Jerry, Allen, Tap and Johnny started crying while Komui, Reever, Leenale and old bookman stood quietly, starring at their feet.

"What?" Kanda snapped annoyed yet worried at the same time.

"Do you not remember, Kanda?" Reever asked silently from the foot of his bed. Only a blank face glared back at him.

"You fainted last night..." he told him quietly. "During the funeral."

_Funeral?_

_Oh yeah, that's right. The funeral._

Painful memories came flooding back into his throbbing brain, awakening his heart from the intense pain he felt. He looked down at his long pale hand.

_That's right. How could I forget? Lavi's not here anymore._

_I would give up the world in just a second, if I could see you once again. I would kill every existence of this earth, if I could touch you once again. I would exchange this very soul with the devils, if I could hold you once again. I would rip my heart out with my own hands, if I could hug you once again._

_I would spend the rest of my days in hell, if I could just feel your presence once again. I would walk around the world a thousand times, if I could just kiss you once again._

_I would shout 'till I go mute, if I could hear your voice answering me once again. I would cry my eyes out, if you could come back for just a brief moment to wipe these tears away. I would sit here forever, if you could come in to my room to call me out for dinner. I would search every corner of this whole damn world, if you still exist._

_But Lavi, you're gone aren't you?_

* flash back *

"Lavi! What the hell are you doing there?" Kanda yelled at the red-headed one who was sitting alone by himself on the swing, swinging high. Surprised green eye turned around to the direction of the voice.

"Yuu-chan!" his lips immediately broke into a huge grin and waved at Kanda as he sway back and forth on the swing.

Kanda strolled up the small hill behind Black Order to the huge playground specially made for the young finders and exorcists. There were dozens of swings and slides and many other play stuff that Kanda cannot identify. There were also the top of the hill where children likes to roll down the hill and watch the blue blue sky on summer days.

The long-haired exorcist stopped in front of Lavi, eyeing the wild red hair, going back and forth in front of his vision.

"Baka usagi! It's lunch time, what are you doing here on a swing?" Kanda asked, irritated by looking at the red-headed one going back and forth.

"Yuu-chan, this is fun!" he giggled and continued to swing even higher.

"Che, how old are you? Six? For your info, you're a decade older than that!"

"Aww, don't be an old man Yuu-chan! Come join me!" deep emerald green eye smiled at him, the other hid behind a black eye-patch.

"This is for kids! Nobody after the age of twelve comes here but you."

"You're standing here aren't you."

"Don't make fun of me rabbit and don't spoil the bloody swing, you're 80 pounds too heavy to sit on it!" Kanda snapped, watching the mixed race exorcist swinging higher and higher.

"Come join me Yuu-chan! This is really fun." he said nodding his head to the empty swing next to him, ignoring what Kanda had just said.

"No thanks."

"Always the grumpy Yuu-chan." Lavi sighed.

"Don't you want to eat?"

"I don't know. I feel so free, I think I can fly!" irritated, Kanda che-ed and glared at Lavi.

"You keep thinking that, I'll have lunch without you." and with that, the Japanese exorcist started walking away.

"Yu~u-Ch~an!" an annoying voice dragged his name after him. "Don't leave me here!"

"Tsk!" Dark sapphire cold blue eyes frowned at his childish friend. "Then get going!"

Lavi slowed his swing down to a stop then cheekily said,

"Give me a kiss first."

Kanda gaped. "What?"

"Come on! Give me a little kissie!" Lavi said making kissing sound with his lips at Kanda. Somewhere in Kanda's brain, a blood vessel popped.

"Bloody rabbit!" he yelled and ran towards him as the other quickly got off his swing and ran up the hill. Because the hill was rather steep, they both ran out of breath when they reached the top.

"OK! OK! I'm sorry!" Lavi shouted when Kanda almost caught him.

"Baka usagi, when will you learn to use your brain before you talk?" Kanda yelled, trying to catch his breath.

"I said I'm sorry!" Lavi cried as he sank to the grassy ground and closed his eyes to rest.

"Wow," Lavi whispered when he caught his breath and opened his eyes. "What a beautiful day!" he turned his head to the sideways at Kanda who was too occupied in glaring at him.

"Come lie down beside me Yuu-chan. The sky is beautiful today." Lavi urged Kanda gently.

"Che. Good-bye." The Japanese exorcist started to stalk away.

"Come lie down with me!" the red-headed grabbed his arm and pulled him down to the grass with him.

"Tsk! Stop acting like a kid! I don't want to!" Kanda yelled, struggling away from a pair of arms that tight itself firmly around his waist.

"Let go moron!"

"No." was the stubborn reply and finally, Kanda gave up from trying to get away and stopped struggling.

They lay in silence for awhile.

"That's cloud looks like your pillow Yuu-chan." Lavi commented pointing out at a big fluffy looking cloud.

"Che. Almost every cloud looks like pillow, moron."

"And that!" Lavi shifted his hand towards another cloud, floating lazily in the sky.

"That looks the shape of your face!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"No, it doesn't. My face is thinner then that." Kanda disagreed.

"That." Kanda stated, pointing his slender finger towards the sky. "That mess of clouds looks like grass, which reminds me of your hair."

"Yuu-chan! That is mean!" Lavi whined and pouted like a child.

The two of them laid there for quite a long time, enjoying the beautiful day with Lavi keep pointing out clouds that always look like something related to Kanda. The young Japanese exorcist could hardly believe that he was lying with the stupid rabbit watching clouds!

But what he wouldn't deny was the comfortable feeling of smelling and sensing the red-headed beside him. It indeed made his heart go all warm and fuzzy.

"That one looks like your puny neck." he stated coolly.

"And that one looks like your ugly head." Kanda continued.

"That one over there looks like your huge nose and that-"

"Yuu-chan!" Lavi cried pathetically. "Stop! My neck is not puny!"

"Che. You're the one who started watching the clouds!"

"Baka Yuu-chan." Lavi punched Kanda's thigh playfully as he broke into a fit of laughter.

The sound of pure innocent laughter calmed Kanda's heart and the edge of his lips turned up while he reached out a hand to pinched the red-headed on the stomach to sober him up a bit.

Kanda closed his eyes and tilted his face towards the sun. It was indeed a lovely day in the summer and Kanda could not remember he had ever lay on a grassy hill just for fun. Then again, he was always in his dark room whenever he was not out doing a mission, so he never knew that the feeling of the sun on his skin was so happy.

A gust of wind blew, bringing them the smell of fresh cut grass and lovely summer flowers, there was a comfortable silence for a long time.

"Yuu-chan." a soft voice called from beside him.

"What?" he answered, his eyes still closed.

"That cloud looks like your lips."

"Huh?" he frowned and felt Lavi shifting beside him. Suddenly, the warm sunlight on his face disappeared, replaced with a dark shadow. Wondering if a cloud had moved to hide the sun, he opened his eyes only to find them locked with a pair of green, green eyes above him.

"What happened to your eye-patch?" he asked without thinking. It was the first time he'd seen Lavi without his eye-patch, and he had to admit to himself, Lavi certainly looked better with both eyes visible.

Kanda suddenly noticed that the red-headed was straddling him, his face dangerously close.

"Tsk! What is it? You're invading me personal space you moron." he snapped frowning up at him and his breathe caught in his throat. Lavi's face had this unreadable expression and the sun shinning down on him from behind made him looked like an angel.

It was the first time ever Kanda thought someone looked like an angel. His heart begin to increase it's speed. Fast and steady, it banged against his ribcage.

"Yuu-chan." he felt his warm breath on his cheek. "Did you hear what I said?"

"What did you say?" he was surprised that his voice managed to sound calm and cool.

"I said," he leaned forward, his lips closer to his ear. Kanda can smell the scent of Lavi so close to him, he didn't knew how to react.

"That cloud just now looked like your lips." his voice deep and perhaps, seductive?

"What?" Kanda frowned a little.

"It made me wanna kiss it." Lavi confessed softly and before Kanda's brain can digest the information. A pair of soft warm lips brushed his own and kissed him firmly but gently.

Kanda's midnight blue eyes grew wide with shock. He had never felt something so soft and warm against his lips before. It was the first time anyone has ever kissed him.

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Goes Kanda's heart. He never knew what happened but he was soon enchanted by those warm lips and slowly, he kissed back.

The kiss lasted for more then two minutes. When they finally pulled away for air, hazy and confused blue eyes met deep, unfocused green eyes. Lavi looked like he was dreaming.

"Lavi," Kanda said frowning confusingly and touched his lips with his pale fingers unconsciously. Green eyes snapped back to reality and those lovely lips that just kissed him lifted into the brightest smile ever.

"You stupid moron!" Kanda blushed furiously, pushing Lavi away from him. "Why did you do that? It's not funny!" The Japanese exorcist quickly stood up and started walking away from the red-headed. Fast.

"Yuu-chan." his heart missed a beat. Since when did Lavi's boyish voice can make Kanda's heart jump?

"Go to hell!" he threw his harsh words over his shoulder at him.

"Yuu," Lavi whispered, grabbing his arm and twirled him around to him face him.

"Why are your cheeks red?" he teased gently.

"Let go you idiot! That was my first kiss!" Dark sapphire blue eyes glared at him angrily.

"You still have your first kiss at 16? Aren't I a lucky one?" he smiled at him.

"You want to die don't you." it was wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Sure, but after this." Lavi pulled Kanda into his arms and their lips once again meet. Too late, too bad, Lavi had fallen in love with Kanda. Too soon, too easy, Kanda too fell for those lovely lips and sunny smile.

*end of flashback *

_Lavi. Where are you? Are you thinking of me as much as I am thinking of you? I'm here all alone. I thought you promised to always stay by my side? Where a_re you?

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**I hope it's not too bad...Hehehhe....I was surfing my stories a couple of days ago and I came across this story written when I was kinda depressed... And so I decided to continue it... Drop a comment and tell me how it was...Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it... *BoundaryOfLimitation***


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey people....It's me again....This is the new chappie and I'm writing in the middle of mid-terms! Gah! I don't wanna flunk Physics again! Oh well, I hope you guys enjoy this one too and excuse me for my crappy GRAMMAR! **

* * *

_Grabbing hold on to something that doesn't exist anymore, they call it Foolish..._

_But if holding on to a Love that didn't end but cannot be continued, what do you call it?_

"Kanda, are you alright?" a voice snapped the long haired exorcist back to reality. Looking up from his pale hands, he nodded silently.

"I'm just fine." he answered a little too loudly. "When can I get out of here? All these white sheets and wall are making my eyes hurt." he asked Komui who stood like a statue looking numb.

"Ahh, yes." he snapped himself back to reality. "You can leave today. I think you're fine now. Just rest more and eat more and those wounds will heal in no time." he tried to smile but only ended up looking like he was grimacing.

Cold sapphire blue eyes looked around at his friends around him and nodded. _A dead person cannot heal, don't you know? _He wanted to say out loud but bit his tongue from doing so.

_That's alright, I'll be fine._ Kanda told himself quietly.

_Who are you trying to kid?_ A voice asked somewhere in his brain. _That's right, who am I trying to kid?_ Kanda pushed his sheets away roughly suddenly and got out of his bed.

He needed to get away. Away from all those sympathetic eyes and sad tears. He needed to be alone for awhile. He needed some time. And best of all, he wanted to turn back time. But that's not possible. No, life was not possible anymore without Lavi.

"I'll be in my room." he muttered and walked away quickly before anyone could protest. All the way back to his room, he felt light headed and his legs felt heavy, looked like his wounds aren't healed yet. After what seems like 2 years which was probably only 10 minutes, he arrived his room.

Pushing the heavy wooden door open, darkness and cold air greeted him silently, the air that smelled like the mixture of both of them. It was so comforting, it breaks the teenage exorcist into pieces.

_How long will this smell last?_ He wondered and sank down to his bed. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, forcing the tears back, willing himself to fade away. Away from this place call Earth, vanish from this place where Lavi no longer cease to exist.

_Life can only be planned, never predicted. It never was up to anyone to chose when to leave and when to appear. But after one piece of you was taken away forcefully, do you continue to fight on? Even if you do, what do you fight for anymore?_

Knock. Knock. Knock. The loud sound of his wooden door woke the Japanese exorcist up, snapping him back to reality. He sat up from his bed, realizing he had fallen asleep without changing and his hair was still in a messy ponytail.

Grabbing a clean white shirt from the cupboard, he quickly changed and walked over to the door and swung it open. His heart refused to think that it won't be Lavi that will be standing in front of his door grinning stupidly.

"Good evening Kanda." a old rough voice greeted him. Cold midnight blues eyes gazed down to see the old bookman's dark orbs looking up at him.

_*flashback *_

"Yuu-chan!" an urgent voice whispered at him from outside his room. Brows frowned and the said 'Yuu-chan' looked up from the book he was reading to his door.

"Yuu-chan!" the voice whispered loudly again, sounding very urgent. Groaning under his breath, the tall Japanese stood up from his desk and swung the door open and found his eyes locked with one deep emerald green eye, the other hidden behind a black eye-patch.

"Tsk. What do you want Lavi?" he spat his name out loud like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever said.

"Shh!" a half gloved hand put his index finger over his lips, signifying the other to keep quiet.

"Che. What is it?" Kanda yelled loudly but his mouth was quickly covered by the other's hand and was dragged rather forcefully into his room. With one hand covering Kanda's mouth, Lavi pulled the both of them to the furthest corner of the room and sat down on the floor, pulling Kanda down with him.

"Yuu-chan! Please, keep quiet! The panda is coming and he's gonna kill me!" annoyed, Kanda glared at him with his deadliest glare only to receive the brightest grin ever in return.

"Tsk!" Kanda pulled away from him roughly. "That's good news. Now get out of my room!"

"Yuu-chan!" the other moaned, directing his puppy eye to him. Getting more and more annoyed by the moment, Kanda went over and pulled the mixed race exorcist up from his spot on the floor.

"Get out you moron, it's Saturday, let me have some peace." he tried to pull the red-headed towards the door but Lavi refused to even budge from his spot.

"Please Yuu-chan! Just this once!" he plead pathetically.

Knock. Knock. Knock!

Somebody suddenly knocked the door. Lavi pulled frantically away from Kanda's grip and retrieved back to his spot beside the cupboard. Cold midnight blues eyes glared at him.

"Please, Yuu-chan!" he mouthed while the other roll his eyes. With heavy foot steps, the Japanese teenage exorcist walked towards the door and flung it open once again.

This time, two black orbs looked up at him piercingly.

"Good evening Kanda." the old man with massive dark circles under his eyes greeted him.

"Hm." he grunted in return.

"Have you by any chance seen my lousy apprentice? There's something that I need to straighten with him immediately." he said, his voice rough and thick from old age.

Kanda stared at him, debating with himself whether or not to drag that stupid rabbit out and turn him over. After a few moments, Kanda said,

"I don't see any red-heads anywhere. You'd searched the wrong place." dark old eyes searched his own for a few moments and old bookman nodded silently.

"Thank you Kanda, have a good evening."

"You too." he mumbled and quickly shut the door with a soft click.

"Thank you Yuu-chan!" an annoying voice screamed out loud when the old man's footsteps were out of earshot. Kanda turned from the door to look at the tall and lanky exorcist dressed in super tight white pants, high black boots and a black shirt with an orange scarf which clash terribly with his wild flaming red hair.

"Thank you so much! I knew you love me!" he smiled before pulling the slightly shorter exorcist into his arms and hug him tightly.

"Che! Let go!" the other exclaimed harshly, trying to hide his blushing face.

"Aww, I know you know you love it when I hug you." Lavi said, pulling the man he loves closer to his chest, taking in his lovely smell of soup, blood and winter snow.

"Lavi! Let go!" Kanda tried to push him away but stubborn arms remained around his waist and neck.

"Yuu-chan." a boyish voice called his name softly. The Japanese exorcist stopped fighting and stood still for a few moments.

"What?" he snapped but not too harshly, causing the other to chuckle softly.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?" he asked gently, nuzzling his face at the other's crook of neck. Somewhere in Kanda's chest, his heart skipped a few beats and then increased into an unnatural speed.

"Don't talk nonsense." he said through gritted teeth.

Lavi laughed into his hair. Kanda can feel clearly the length of his body against his and wonder why was he feeling so comfortable in his arms.

"This is not nonsense Yuu-chan, because I really do love you." long fingers started to smooth his hair from his pony tail.

"Do you love me too Yuu-chan?" the red-headed asked innocently, still hugging his lover close.

Silence.

"Yuu-chan?"

"What?"

"I asked, do you love me too?" the other asked again, laughter in his voice.

"Hn." Lavi grinned, that was the best answer ever he could get from the Japanese exorcist.

He laughed gleefully and pulled away just enough to look into those cold, sapphire blue eyes. Emerald green eye smiled at him accompanied by red pouting lips curved upwards. Lavi was content with his answer, cause he felt it in his very soul that he really loves him back.

"Thank you for loving an idiot like me Yuu-chan." Kanda's eyes soften by those words and before he knew it, a pair of warm lips brushed against his own and kissed him senseless for the next ten minutes.

_* end of flashback *_

"Kanda, are you alright? You look a little pale." the old voice pulled him back to reality. Cold sapphire blue eyes gazed down into a pair of dark black eyes.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired." he answered a little too politely. The old bookman nodded tiredly and handed him a small bottled glass. The dark haired exorcist's breath caught in his throat, before he could say anything, the bookman said,

"This is the remains of him. I'll leave it to you on how to take care of it." long pale hands reached out and grasp the ashes of his lover that was kept in a bottle and nodded.

How did someone so big and tall can be reduced until this pathetic half bottle of ashes? How can a heart that use to beat so lively now pumping ever so tiredly? How can something that you thought would always be here can vanish as swiftly as the wind?

Kanda's hand started to shake. Nobody knew if it was from those intense emotions inside or just pure disbelieve or because of fatigue.

The short old man studied the young man's reaction quietly and then said,

"I can do it for you if you want." he suggested.

"No!" the other answered a little too loudly. "I will do it." cold blue eyes gave away a hint of heartbreaking sadness.

"Alright then lad," he answered and fished something out from his exorcist coat and handed it again to Kanda. Lovely eye brows frowned upon the book that was thicker then the thickest dictionary in the old man's hands.

"What's this?" he asked numbly, proud of himself that his voice still sounded cold and apathetic.

"Lavi's only belonging." was the simple answer. The old man had a weird look on his face for a couple of moments before turning back to blank again just like a bookman should.

"It's getting late, make sure to get something to eat before going to sleep." he said gently and walked away without waiting for an answer.

Kanda softly closed the door with a click and rest his back against the thick wooden door. There in his chest he hugged the ashes of his love one tightly, millions of emotions surge throughout his whole body making him a little breathless and really tired.

Swallowing hard, he tried to push back the huge lump forming in his throat but something, something was killing him from inside out. His legs started to lose strength and slowly, he slid down to the floor.

The thick book fell from his arms and dropped onto the floor with a loud thump, revealing a page filled with a handwriting Kanda was so familiar with. Sitting on the floor the teenage exorcist stared at the writings, it was rather dark but he could see oh so clearly that the writings were definitely Lavi's.

The plan to push the large lump back down his throat failed miserably as he hugged the glass bottle tightly in his chest like it was the most precious thing ever. Lovely face with pale milky skin framed by sharp nose, perfect lips, thick dark lashes and cold sapphire blue eyes held so much pain, it brought tears to the angels as it started to rain again outside his window.

"Lavi," a small voice whispered as he rest his head on his knees. "Lavi," he called again but there was no answer. Bitter tears slowly well behind those lovely midnight blue eyes and roll down his cheeks and finally dropped to the wooden floor, right next to the opened book.

Drip. Drip. Drip. One tear after another fall from his eyes onto the floor. Rip. Rip. Rip. One after another piece of his soul was torn away. Crack. Crack. Crack. His heart started to shatter into million pieces right inside his chest.

There was nothing he could do to control himself anymore. The time of his world stopped. Nothing else in this world can bring him back to life again for the one and only thing that had kept him alive all these years was now dead and gone.

The only thing that kept going on was the intense pain he felt in every cell of his body. The tears could only fall and fall and fall as he sat there all night till dawn.

_"Lavi,"_

_

* * *

_

**Alright....That's chapter 3... I don't think there's enough emotion in there but don't worry, keep reading, I will make it better in the next chappie...I hope you enjoyed it, and drop a comment if you like...Thanks for reading! *BoundaryOfLimitation***_  
_l


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi people! It's me again! This is the latest chapter..Sorry it took SOOO long to update. I was super busy with something called reality, I hadn't had the time to sit down and write my fantasy down... Hope you enjoy this one!**

**I wish I own this anime but I don't...And please! Excuse my lousy GRAMMAR! Enjoy^^  
**

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The sun shone in from the big window of Kanda's room, illuminating the dark haired exorcist who sat at the foot of his door from the night before 'till sunrise. Slowly, he lifted his swollen eyes from his knees, two sapphire gem looked out the window at the lovely scene before him.

For a long time, he watched the early clouds painted gentle pink float slowly away as the sun rose higher and higher. Dark cold sapphire blue eyes watched dazedly as flocks of birds flew across the sky on the beautiful early summer morning. Lovely butterflies were up early and hovered over the fully bloomed flower field. Little animals from the forest next to the Black Order came out to the little flower field to get some sun.

Fresh breeze that smelled like summer flowers and grass blew gently into his room, lifting his long dark locks. The wind caress his wet cheeks stained by painful tears gently as though it was a hand belonged to an angel.

It was a beautiful day. Lives were living on as though nothing had happened. Beyond his window everything looked so alive, he was surprised.

_Everything's going on as though nothing happened. _He thought to himself quietly. Tired eyes dragged themselves from the too happy scene of the whole world before him to the bottle that was still in his arms.

Carefully, he held it firmly in his hand and stood up wobbly, his whole body was extremely tired from sitting at the same position for so long. He lifted his legs with heavy boots and walked to his bed. With the same gentleness as he would to a small baby, he placed the glass bottle on his study table and went back to the floor to pick up the thick book before he started taking off his black leather boots.

He reached up a hand and yanked off the band that was holding his lovely long locks in a high ponytail. Just like a robot, a human with no soul, he removed his clothes slowly and stepped into the shower.

Kanda turned on his shower and icy cold water immediately hit him, waking him up a little bit more. Slowly, as though he had all the time in the world, he washed his body and shampooed his hair. To him, there was no need to rush anymore. There was no one to whine to him about how long he take his showers or complain that his stomach is hungry and desperately need to eat but will not leave without him or he needed a shower too.

_No. There's no reason left for me to even breath._ He thought as painful sweet memories play like a tape over and over again in his brain. A shivering body stepped out of the shower an hour later.

Without bothering to put on a shirt, he just clumsily pull up a boxer and walked over to the windows to pulled the dark curtains to shade away any sunlight at all.

The Japanese exorcist sat down carefully on his bed. _Their_ bed. And stare at the dark empty space in front of him for a long, long time. Finally, with a sigh, he lay down and pull the sheets over his head.

The smell of autumn leaves, old books and an indescribable scent that belonged solely to Lavi immediately hit him. He closed his eyes in agony as tears escape from his eyes, rolled over the bridge of his nose and finally land on his pillow. In the large cold bed Yuu Kanda finally fell asleep. His quiet heart felt lonelier then anything in this whole wide world. Ha, who knew life would turn out like this.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Someone was at the door. A Japanese teenage exorcist boy stirred in his bed and turned towards the door.

"Kanda?" a soft voice called his name. "Kanda, this is Leenale, can I come in?" rubbing his swollen eyes, he sat up slowly and sigh. Lovely midnight blues eyes turn to the window and saw the sunlight was shining behind his dark curtains.

Getting up slowly, he zombie-walked to the closet to put some clothes on then to the door and opened it quietly. A girl with lovely eyes and a small honest smile greet him, in her hands was a tray of his favorite soba and a cup of warm green tea.

"You weren't at dinner last night. We were all kinda worried so I brought you something to eat."

Kanda frowned. _Last night?_ Sensing his confusion, Leenale said,

"You were in your room since you stalked out of the infirmary. It's been two days."

_I have been asleep for more then 24 hours? _

Leenale smiled then walked into his room and set the tray down on his desk. This was usually Lavi's job to make sure he eats his meals and it was always the red-headed who would bring his food to his room and force him eat.

"Kanda," the young girl with violet eyes called him when she noticed he was still standing rooted at his door. She walked over to him and pulled him by the arm when he didn't answer her.

"Here, sit down and eat." she said softly but firmly. Leenale had always been like a sister or a mother figure to Kanda. She was always there to make sure everyone is doing fine and it was always her to help them make up when they had a fight or something.

Numbly, Kanda sank down on the wooden chair and Leenale pushed a pair of chopsticks into his hand.

"Eat." she said firmly then went to make his bed and pick up the clothes he had left on the floor two days ago and put it into the basket for the workers to come collect the dirty laundry.

Kanda stared at the food before him. It looked tasty but he had no appetite to eat. Slowly, he dipped his chopsticks into the soup and lifted a few noodles then put it into the big spoon. He lifted the spoon slowly to his mouth and started chewing the noodles that tasted like rubber and dust to him.

Leenale sat there on his bed and watched with sharp eyes until he finished all of his food. He saw a wave of painful expression washed through her face when she saw the glass bottle on the table as she bit her lip to hold back her tears.

"I'm off now," she said softly after he finished his food. Taking the tray and laundry basket with her, she kiss him on the forehead and went out, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

As soon as she was out, Kanda lay his head down on the wooden table, tears once again flow from his eyes. A small pool of tears started to form on the table and suddenly, a gust of wind blew in from the window and the curtains flap wildly.

Sunlight hit his face and sapphire blue eyes saw the sun was rather low, it was going to be sunset soon. Wiping his face with the back of his hand, he stood up and went over to his cupboard and changed into a pair of clean white shirt and long tight black pants.

Pulling his exorcist coat over him, he carefully took the bottle of ashes with him and went out of his room.

_If time has the ability to take away all the precious things, _

_ Would it have the ability to bring everything back too?_

A long haired exorcist slowly make his way out of the Black Order to the hill where Lavi and him always hang out. The bright summer sun was slowly setting behind him as he climb and climb and climb up the rather steep hill.

The sun was painted dark red with hints of pink and purple all over. Clouds were moving as though retreating as the darker clouds from another side started to rise.

_Today is just like that day. The first time we kissed_.

Kanda remembered that day so well till it hurts. He went up the hill to call the idiot with red hair back for lunch only to find him playing the kids' swing at the little playground. Lavi then said something to make him mad and Kanda had to chased after him up the steep him but was dragged by him to watch the clouds.

That was when Lavi first kissed him. He was angry and embarrassed but his heart was beating so wildly, he was surprised. He was shocked by how his heart was thumping so hard against his ribs. That was when he started to fall in love with the smile that was as bright as the sun. The hair that was as wild as the fire in the fire place on a winter night. The lips that was warm and soft and sweet no matter when or where he kiss him. The annoying voice that always pisses him off but also has the ability to make him feel calm and safe.

Gusts of wind blew all around Kanda. His hair that was untied danced all around him wildly and for once, he didn't care. Whispers of the breeze at his ears were loud but he can't seem to catch anything it was trying to say.

Kanda gazed at the lovely sunset before him when he reached the top. Far in the Northeast, dark clouds started to rise, along with it the clouds brought the lightnings and thunders. The Gods were grieving for this miserable world.

***Flash back* **

"Yuu-chan!" an annoying voice pierced Kanda's ears as he was meditating. Groaning inwardly, he pretended not to hear anything and acted like nobody was in his room.

Lavi knocked the door hard.

"Yuu-chan? I know you're in there!"

"Che." he spat irritated at the idiotic rabbit for disturbing his meditation session.

"Yuu-chan! Open up! I want to show you something!" the voice started to whine as he knock and knock against the door. After two minutes of silence, the voice came again.

"Are you giving me the cold shoulder, Yuu-chan?"

"Che." Kanda muttered under his breath.

"Alright! I don't care what you're doing, I'm going in!" without waiting for an answer, the wooden door immediately swung open and a flash of red flashed by Kanda's vision. The next thing he knew, he was lying on the floor with a heavy weight on top of him.

"Baka usagi!" he yelled. "Get off me! Now!"

"Yuu-chan, don't be mad, I just miss you so much." a pair of arms hugged him close around his neck and waist.

"Off! Get off me!" Kanda pushed the other off him and sat up angrily. Looking all innocent and disappointed, Lavi looked up at Kanda with puppy eyes.

"I only wanted to see you." he mumbled. "But Yuu-chan is so harsh and cold. Don't you love me anymore?"

Somewhere in Kanda's heart, a piece melted while somewhere else in his head, a vessel popped in annoyance.

"Che." he spat loudly. "You said you want to show me something. What is it?" The red-headed idiot immediately smile.

_He sure recovers fast._ Kanda thought rolling his eyes.

"Follow me! It's totally gorgeous!" a half gloved hand reached out and intertwined with Kanda's long pretty ones. Pulling him up from the floor, Lavi dragged Kanda out of Black Order towards the little hill.

They walked hand in hand up the hill. Though Kanda complained but he was secretly happy to hold the other's hand.

"Just where exactly are you taking me?" Kanda finally got annoyed. A bright smile was directed to him.

"Just follow me! Faster! It's going to happen soon." with a little tug, Lavi urged Kanda to walk faster. After fifteen minutes, they both reached the top and was rather breathless for the hill was quite steep.

"Yuu-chan," the voice that made the Japanese boy's heart do summer salts called out his name. Turning to look at the source of the voice, Kanda's heart stopped for a brief moment. Right before his eyes, he saw the prettiest sunset he had ever seen in his life. But that was not what made his heart stat to do weird jerks against his ribs. It was Lavi who made his heart go thump! Thump! And thump hard against his chest.

The red-headed was standing in front of him with his back to the sun. The dark red and purple color of the sky illuminated half of Lavi's face making him looked very mysterious and beautiful.

There was a very serious look on the mixed race exorcist as he gaze deep into a pair of dark sapphire blue ones.

"Yuu, today is the most beautiful sunset. I dragged you here because I want you to see this." Lavi leaned closer and circled his arms around the other's waist and whispered into his ear. "But to me, you're much prettier then this lovely sunset."

For a long time, Kanda was speechless. He didn't know how to react because he had never seen such intense seriousness in Lavi before. Not even when they were in the middle of a war.

"Lavi," his name escaped from his lips. A million emotion immediately ran through both their hearts.

Lavi chuckled, his cheeks were blushing.

"The truth is, Yuu, my heart is thumping so hard in my chest right now, I'm sure my ribs would break anytime soon."

Kanda smirked.

"Idiot." as soon as those words left his lips, another pair of warm lips brushed against his and kissed him gently and deeply. Enchanted by those lips, Kanda unconsciously wrapped his arms around the other's neck and pulled Lavi even closer to deepen their kiss.

After a few minutes, they pulled away breathing hard. Emerald green eye looked at Kanda.

"I've never felt so much happiness and warmth in my life before." he smiled revealing his perfect white teeth.

Then the both of them sat down on the soft grass and watch the sun set slowly into the horizon. They sat there hand in hand, feeling as though those two limbs belonged to each other. The feeling of happiness was so intense, for once, there was a soft smile on Kanda's face.

"You know, Yuu-chan. Since I was a kid, I wanted to fly in the sky. No, I wanted to be the sky."

"You're silly even since you're kid." was the usually cold comment.

"The sky is so big. It's like there is no limit up there. I want to be like that one day. I want to be the weathers. I want to be the clouds. I want to be the wind and I want to be the rain."

"What the hell are you talking about? That's not possible and not logical." Lavi laughed and scooted a little more closer to Kanda.

"One of the rules in Bookman is to stay alive."

"Good, you can't die before me."

"Yeah, I can't die before you."

"That's good and bad. That means I'll have you constantly at my back till I die."

"Haha," Lavi laughed again. "But who knows, anything might happen anytime."

Kanda only looked out at the beautiful colors in front of his eyes, agreeing silently.

"If I were the sky," Lavi suddenly said and Kanda turned to look at him. "If I were the sky, when it's sunset, the whole sky is painted with deep red and pink, that means I'm so in love. When the gray clouds cover the sky, that means I'm depressed, sad." Lavi paused to laughed when Kanda raised an eyebrow at him.

"When it rains, that means I'm crying. When there are thunders and lightning, that means I'm mad and heart broken.

"You sure have a lot of emotion." Kanda muttered under his breath only to receive a playful punch on his lap.

"When it's dawn and the sky is pink, that means I'm embarrassed or shy. Just like mornings when I woke up to find you naked – ouch! Yuu-chan!" Lavi cried when Kanda pinched his cheeks hard.

"Don't say weird things." he warned him but not too harshly.

"When the sky is dark and hazy, that means I'm down or missing someone a lot." he continued, laughing as he talk.

"Alright, alright! I get it. Stop talking. You're annoying me." Kanda finally snapped as Lavi blabber on and on and on. The red-headed teenager then lay down his back on the grass.

"Come on, lay with me Yuu-chan."

"No thanks."

"Aww, come on! Don't be a petty."

"Tsk! Stupid rabbit." and reluctantly, Kanda lay down beside him. To his surprise, the sky looked even prettier from that angle. A hand then touched his arm softly, Kanda turned sideways to come face to face with Lavi.

"I love you Yuu." the red-headed whispered and in his eye was an intense emotion and sincerity that took Kanda's breath away.

After a long minute, Kanda's lips lifted into the softest smile ever. And for just a few minutes, they felt as though life is a really wonderful thing.

***End of flash back***

Wind from all possible direction blew at a particular exorcist with long black hair. He had painful lonely midnight blue eyes that was red and swollen from crying too much. Long dark silky hair waved and danced around him wildly but he just stood there stoned, starring out at the lovely sunset before him.

In his black pants, white shirt and black exorcist coat, he looked like a fallen angel looking up at the sky. In his hands were the glass bottle that he slowly lifted and removed the cork.

"You said you wanna be the sky. That is not possible but you can be with the sky." he whispered to the ashes of his lover and with a gentle hand, he reached into the bottle and gripped a handful of ashes.

Tears immediately well behind his eyes but he stubbornly held it all in. Kanda lifted his hand high in the air and gusts and gusts of wind took his lover away from his palm. Handful after handful of ashes, he stood there numbly for a long time letting the wind do it's job as the sun sink lower and lower and the dark clouds rise higher and higher.

Suddenly, lightnings strike and thunder clapped in the dark clouds. Sapphire blue eyes looked up to see the raining clouds are approaching fast.

_You said every weather represents your feelings. Sunset means you're in love, thunder and lightnings mean you're mad. Dark clouds mean you're down and it's about to rain. Does that mean you're about to cry?_

"You sure feel a lot of emotion at one time Lavi." the tall Japanese exorcist whispered to the wind and it started to rain. The last of the ashes in his palm was washed away by the rain and he could only watch with a heavy heart as the only remaining of his lover slip away from his fingers.

Kanda tilted his face towards the sky. His whole body was drenched by the rain that gets heavier by the minute. Tears started to fall from his eyes, mingling with the tears that fell from heaven.

He mouthed to the sky four simple words,

"I love you Lavi," Gods and angels must have heard his heart cry because the sky started to cry so heavily that every drop of rain that hit him actually hurts.

"I love you so much. Why did you have yo go?" with that, he slowly sat down on the grassy ground and bitter tears of his own fall with the tears of the heaven for a long, long time.

* * *

**I hope it was alright? Keep on reading guys, there will be an unexpected twist later on in the story so please stay tuned! I hope you enjoyed it and drop a review if you want and I PROMISE! I'll update soon...**

**Hope you enjoyed reading this...^^  
**

***BoundaryOfLimitation*  
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